Relational Harmony…Easier Said Than Done

I remember the first time I got slapped in the face with relational disharmony at church that I could not resolve.  Someone who worked for me got out of sorts with a decision I made and no amount of appeal for sitting down and resolving it worked.  In fact, the relationship was cut off in such a way that I could not even contact this person.  It was tough.

Paul says, “Live in harmony with one another” (Romans 12:16a).  He literally says, “Keep thinking the same thing toward one another.”  That’s his way of saying that we should have the same goal and purpose as one another.  This common goal or purpose should unite us in expending our energies so that we are in concert with one another.  Instead of working at cross-purposes, we are in harmony, like notes on a piano or timing of the pistons in a motor.

It sounds good on paper, but trying to implement this is trying to go counter to everything within us that says, “My agenda is more important than yours!”  We are selfish people who have been redeemed, of course, but who still battle the vestiges of selfishness every day.  My co-worker wanted a job position that I felt was better suited to someone else.  Our common goal to serve Christ and see the gospel make progress at all costs did not seem to make it into the equation.  I had “slapped this person in the face” so to speak and we could not talk about it.

What is your commitment to unity in the body of Christ?  The best way to answer that question is to answer another one:  What is your commitment to seeing the gospel of Jesus Christ make progress in the world?  If your commitment is high in this regard, your commitment to unity will be, also. 

We cannot achieve harmony on any other subject than the gospel.  This is the deal-breaker issue for all Christians.  We may not baptize the same way, view the leadership of the church the same way, agree on whether to have a building, or on the way the Holy Spirit ministers.  But if we agree that faith in Jesus Christ and his sacrificial provision for our sins is the only way to right relationship with God, not the works righteousness that every other religion proffers, then we are on the same page and can work to stay in harmony with that purpose.

If we are going to live in harmony with one another, then, we must be ready to give up our own agendas whenever they fall short of our common agenda of proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Still hard to do?  You bet!  But this is what will enable us to make an eternal difference in our world and find peace in our own midst.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Relational Harmony (part 1)

Loving Empathy

Paul tells us in Romans 12:15 to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  We often call this empathy.

The word “empathy” is of relatively recent origin.  This explanation is given in the online Permanente Journal, a peer-reviewed journal of medical science:

The origin of the word empathy dates back to the 1880s, when German psychologist Theodore Lipps coined the term “einfuhlung” (literally, “in-feeling”) to describe the emotional appreciation of another’s feelings. Empathy has further been described as the process of understanding a person’s subjective experience by vicariously sharing that experience while maintaining an observant stance. Empathy is a balanced curiosity leading to a deeper understanding of another human being; stated another way, empathy is the capacity to understand another person’s experience from within that person’s frame of reference. 

You might note that for the clinician it is crucial that he or she remain in an observant stance even though seeking to understand the patient’s subjective experience.  For the apostle Paul, however, loving our fellow believers meant being able to identify enough with them in their pain or joy to either weep with them or exult with them.  We may need to also maintain a godly perspective even if our brother or sister is not, but we don’t have to remain emotionally detached.

Emotional detachment is our way of taking care of ourselves and our needs first.  At times this makes sense.  If emotionally entering into someone’s pain or even joy is going to lead us into places dangerous for us to tread, we will not be effectively loving our brother or sister by getting off track with God through their emotions.  But if we are only seeking to avoid pain then we have fallen into a selfish pattern of relating that is self-protective only and unwilling to fully love our brothers or sisters.

When I am willing to hurt with someone or rejoice with someone, I am signaling that his or her life is just as important as mine.  I am loving as Jesus loves.  When poor Job was dealing with the loss of his family, his health and his livelihood, the best thing his three friends did was sit and grieve with him for seven days (Job 2:11-13).  That level of empathy is healing.

You can be a healer if you are willing to enter into someone’s pain or joy.  By our very natures we are prone to isolation from one another.  It is a protective stance.  But when we listen to the heart of God and choose to feel what someone else is feeling, we make a connection that not only knits our hearts together with someone else, but models the sacrificing Christ who took our pain on himself.

It may be a battle within yourself to give this way.  It was for Jesus (Matthew 26-36-46).  But it is hard to find a more precious gift than loving empathy, Jesus-style.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Loving Empathy

The Christmas Sweater

Last week I was getting my nails done and struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. She had just retired from Fed Ex and our nail tech had given her a beautiful wrap that we were both gushing over. She commented that now she’d have something new and “snazzy” to wear during the holidays since she guessed she’d have to retire her CHRISTmas sweaters. I asked her what she meant.

She said her daughter was a student at Ole Miss. She had called her earlier in the week and asked if her Mom could quickly mail her one of her CHRISTmas sweaters. The reason? She needed one to wear to a CHRISTmas “tacky” party!! Ouch!!

I love CHRISTmas and for years I had quite the collection of CHRISTmas sweaters….pullovers, cardigans, and vests. I loved having something CHRISTmasy to wear every day of the month. It seems the tradition started quite a number of years ago when everyone was decorating sweatshirts. There were these iron-on appliques that you then outlined in glitter paint. Oh they were quite the craze!! My favorite was a deep blue sweatshirt with a huge Santa and sleigh with all the reindeer climbing into the night sky with all the stars aglitter above. I got many compliments on it every time I wore it. In fact, I wore it out! Now I wouldn’t be caught dead in it.

I’d begun to notice over the last few years….even before my conversation with the Ole Miss mom…that only people MY age were wearing the CHRISTmas sweaters. So I had narrowed my collection down to the more subdued ones and to tee shirts with just a little something on them.

I got to thinking about how fads come and go. One year something is so the rage and the next year you better NOT wear it or you will be a fashion disaster. I know that Stacy and Clinton just go nuts every time they find a CHRISTmas sweater in someone’s closet!

Lots of things besides CHRISTmas sweaters come and go. Car models change from year to year. Remember the llllooooonnnngggggg cadillacs of years past? Just look how far we’ve come from the Model T!

Decorating styles change in our homes. If you had a kitchen in the 70’s, you had orange, avocado green and gold. (Hopefully none of you STILL have that !! HA!) My mother built her house in the mid 60’s when turquoise was the “in” thing. She still has her turquoise appliances and every time someone sees them they are amazed because you never see those any more. And, yes, they still work!!!

I remember growing up seeing some people with the aluminum CHRISTmas trees. There was a multi colored light that swirled beneath it to make it change colors. Now you can get trees in every color under the rainbow. I have even seen trees that hang upside down!

Change …..it is part of life.

But there is one constant in our lives that never changes. JESUS. He is the “same yesterday, today and forever.” (Heb. 13:8) And, His Word never changes. Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” (Matt. 24:35)

Isn’t it wonderful to know that JESUS will never go out of style and that His word remains the same? We do not have to constantly be checking for revisions. There are no amendments to His Word.

You can buy a computer today and by tomorrow it will be obsolete. You can drive off the showroom floor today with a $50,000 vehicle, but by tomorrow it will have already begun to depreciate. Yet Jesus just gets sweeter with time. The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows!!

The CHRISTmas story never grows old. God sent His only begotten Son in the form of a baby, to be born in a manger, born of a virgin so that He could be our Savior. Think about that story today and thank God that it never changes.

Pat Thomas

Have You Ever Thanked God For…

A good, warm bed?

What about just a bed? Many in the world don’t have one, you know.

A hot shower?

What about just running water IN your house? Our ancestors didn’t have it and there are millions around the globe who still don’t.

An ice cold COKE?

Many would thank God just for a clean drink of water.

The home you live in…whether 1000 square feet or 5,000.

Many tonight are living under a bridge, in a ditch or under a tree. They have no place to actually call home. Many more are in shelters or missions because of a lost job and financial ruin due to the economy. Others are living in their car with their children. Where are YOUR children sleeping tonight? Do you live in a safe neighborhood or do you constantly flinch at the sound of gunfire? Are your children able to play in your backyard or are you afraid they may be shot if you let them out the door?

For someone to hug and who hugs you back?

There are many who NEVER receive a hug from anyone…day in and day out. They never are touched in any way of affection. They never hear the words “I love you”. And no one ever utters their name in prayer.

For your food?

No, seriously. Even if you say the “blessing” every day, do you ever really stop and realize what it would be like to not have ANY? Worse yet, can you imagine what it would feel like to not be able to feed your kids?!! We will throw away more food tomorrow left on plates than many people eat in a week.

For the USA?

Our freedoms are precious and we better be careful to thank God for them for many of them are hanging in the balance. Our freedom to worship God, to speak of Him, to proclaim His word is a gift many in other parts of the world would give anything to have. Instead, they must meet secretly to worship, and hope that they do not get caught, for if they do, they will be imprisoned and tortured unless they renounce the name of Christ. There are more people martyred today for their faith around the world than at any other time in history!

Your children and grandchildren?

Yes, that seems like an easy one, but sometimes the most obvious things go unmentioned. Thank Him for the sweet, cuddly babies that are impossible NOT to love. Thank Him for the busy toddler who is wearing you out. Thank Him for the rebellious teen who is trying to figure out who she is. Thank Him for the adult child who has made you proud. Thank Him for the prodigal who keeps you on your knees. Thank Him for the precious grandchildren who bring you so much joy and mean that you have lived long enough to acquire them. Verbally thank Him for each one. There are some tonight whose arms ache for theirs because death has snatched them away this year or because they are far away or estranged. Cherish every moment you have with them!!!

So much to be thankful for. God daily loads us with benefits. Today take time to stop and really think about how blessed you are. Take time to thank Him the One from whom all blessings flow.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!

Pat Thomas

Blessing For Cursing

In his dissertation on relationships in the body of Christ, Paul started with the difficult and now moves to the impossible.  It is one thing to love those who are decent to you, it is another thing entirely to love those who hate you.

“Bless those who persecute you,” Paul says, “bless and do not curse” (Romans 12:14).  I remember years ago watching a favorite TV show of mine called The Equalizer.  It was about this former British secret service guy who now helped everyday people with extraordinary enemies who needed someone to help them equalize the situation.  In one episode he was called by a former Central American spy whose job it was to torture prisoners.  But now he was seeking asylum because one of the prisoners he had tortured kept forgiving him in the name of Christ and it had broken him.

I know, I know, it is a fictional story.  But it is a fictional depiction of something that has happened over and over as God’s people have faced persecution.  Jesus is the one who taught us to bless those and pray for those who hate us.  Paul is simply repeating Jesus’ teaching.  But Paul had also lived out this teaching.  Paul had been persecuted over and over.  In Philippi he had been beaten and imprisoned by the local jailer at the behest of city officials.  When God sent an earthquake to release Paul the jailer was ready to kill himself because he thought his prisoners had escaped.  Paul was still there and told him not to harm himself and when the man asked what he had to do to be saved, Paul did not withhold that information out of vengeance, but shared the good news with him and than preached to his whole family and baptized them that night (Acts 16).

This kind of divine love has been evident throughout the centuries and is still going on where persecution takes place.  Try reading Jesus in Beijing for a look at how the Chinese Christians have embodied this love.  But we face our own enemies right where we live.

Who is persecuting you?  Who hates you and makes life difficult for you?  You must love them!  You must love them by seeking God’s blessing on them.  You will need the supernatural aid of the Holy Spirit to do this (as in fact you will for all that Paul has so far taught us to do in this section on relationships).  Whether the person you so love is broken by the divine love or not is irrevelant.   We are called to love as God loves and possibly hurt the way God hurts when His love is rejected.  We are not hurting because we are rejected but because the one who hates us is rejecting the Lord whom he or she so deperately needs.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Blessing For Cursing

Showing Hospitality

Hospitality is not as big a deal in our culture as it is in some.  In cultures where amenities like hotels or restaurants are not available and money is not as abundant, the importance of showing hospitality registers a 10 on the Richter scale.

But that does not mean it should be of no consequence if we show hospitality.  Paul’s instructions in Romans 12 on how to relate to one another in the body of Christ include, “Practice hospitality” (verse 13).  That is, be a host to those in need of hosting.

David viewed God as our Host in Psalm 23.  “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”  Several keys to showing hospitality are evident here:

Feed your guests.  This may seem like a rather mundane or unnecessary aspect of hospitality, but when you consider that the most important physical need we face daily is food, the symbolic meaning of offering food is huge.  It signals that you are concerned about a person’s most basic physical need and that you are willing to part with something dear to you for the meeting of your own needs.  An overflowing cup signifies that you are generous in your provision and value your guest highly.

Honor your guests.  Anointing the head with oil was another way of honoring one’s guest.  It was a way of saying, “You are most welcome here and I value your company.”  Though anointing the head would not communicate that to our guests today, other ways can be found suited to our culture, like carefully hanging coats, providing the best seats, or letting a guest go first at a meal.

Protect your guests.  In Israel a host was to go to any lengths necessary to protect his guests.  In the same way our homes should be a place of safety for our guests.  No guest should be treated disrespectfully by any in our home, or be subject to any kind of attack.  While they are in our home they are in a sanctuary of safety.

Showing hospitality is one way Christians say to other Christians, “I love you and I value your friendship in Christ.”  There is power in showing hospitality, power to cement relationships, power to meet needs with the love of God, and power to give people a taste of the safety and security of the kingdom of God.

Who are you having over this week?

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Showing Hospitality

Meeting the Need in Full

When Paul said, “Share with God’s people who are in need,” (Romans 12: 13) I suspect that he intended for us to do that while bearing in mind all that he had just said prior to this.  That means that in the meeting of peoples’ needs we must use love and discretion. 

Here is what I mean:

1. I must meet their needs in genuine love.  This is not first of all salving a guilty conscience, or seeking to make a name for myself, or even doing what I am supposed to do.  This is genuinely loving the person enough to see and meet his or her needs.
2. I must meet their needs with respect.  The last thing I want to do is to make my brother or sister feel demeaned for having to receive help.  This means I have to have humility in the way I give help and tactfulness in doing it in a way that maintains the receiver’s dignity.
3. I must do this in a manner that honors Christ.  That means that as I pray about and serve the Lord in this matter, I am looking for His direction on how best to meet someone’s needs.  This may lead to finding a way to do more than just meet the immediate needs.  It might lead to going above and beyond the immediate to a way that gets to the root of the problem and solves it.  This helps my brother or sister to be able to become self-sustaining in a way that enables them to begin providing for the needs of others instead of staying in a place of neediness.

Catching a vision for how God answers our prayers (immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, Ephesians 3:20) leads to our expectation that He will show us how to meet each others’ needs the same way.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Meeting Needs (part 3)

I Love You So I Must Say No

I hate telling people no.  What do you do when someone comes to you with a need, at least they perceive it as a need, and yet to meet that need is to enable them to continue following a path that is not healthy for them?

When Paul says, “Share with God’s people who are in need,” (Romans 12: 13), does this allow for any exceptions?  If all we had were these words from Paul we might try to argue that we are always obligated to meet someone’s needs if only they ask or we are aware of their need.  However, in 2 Thessalonians 3:6 Paul says, “We command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.”  Then in verse 10 he writes, “For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: ‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat.’”

This passage gives us a rationale for a concept we call in our culture “setting boundaries.”  A boundary is a limitation on how I respond to someone in order to keep from encouraging their wrong behavior and to lovingly appeal to them to change.  If someone tells me they need me to lie for them, I must tell them no and that they must face the consequences of their behavior if they are to learn to stop it.  If someone has sinned against me and yet wants to have unfettered relationship without any apology, I must refuse to allow relationship until that issue is dealt with correctly.

So meeting someone’s legitimate or supposed needs is not always the right and loving thing to do.  Proverbs 19:19 says, “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.”  Instead of rescuing someone by meeting their needs, we may have to let them flounder until they are ready to change.  Like the drowning swimmer who must give up before he can be rescued, sometimes the loving brother or sister must let a friend reach the end of their rope before they can accept real and lasting help to meet their needs.

Paul asked God to take away the “thorn” in Paul’s flesh (2 Corinthians 12), but God said no.  He needed Paul to learn that it was only in Paul’s weakness that God’s strength showed most clearly.  Paul’s conceitedness needed to be curbed and pain was the way to curb it.  God uses “boundaries” and so must we, at times, in really meeting someone’s needs.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Meeting Needs (part 2)

Waiting

Waiting is something no one likes to do, yet we all find ourselves having to wait from time to time.

We’ve all known what it is to wait in line at the grocery store, Walmart or the fast food place. You stand in line behind the skinny kid with stringy hair, chain dangling from his ripped back pocket and ear buds from his big ears, waiting so long that you could retrace the pattern on his wrinkled tee shirt in your sleep. But…..you KNOW that sooner or later you will reach the point where you pay and get to leave. Why? You always do.

You are rushing to your destination when suddenly traffic slows to a crawl then ultimately stops dead still. You crane your neck out the window and all you see for as far as you can see is a winding loop of cars and trucks. And…no one is moving! So you do what everyone else is doing…the only thing you CAN do. You wait. Why? Because you know from experience that eventually the wreck ahead will be cleared and traffic will once again move and you will be on your way, albeit two hours late.

The waiting room of a doctor’s office is duly named. Because there you KNOW when you arrive you are going to wait. And, if your doctor happens to be one in particular that I know but who will remain unnamed, you KNOW that your wait will be at least four to five hours. And as frustrating as that is, you do know that in the end you will see him. How do you know that? Because you always do.

Being in God’s waiting room is different. We do not always know what the end result is going to be. In fact, we rarely do. Nor do we know how long we are going to have to wait.

Take Abraham for instance. God told him his descendants would be as numerous as the stars, yet year after year, Sarah remained childless. Old age came upon them and it appeared that God had totally forgotten His promise. But then, at the ripe old age of ninety nine, the waiting ended and Isaac was born. Abraham was in God’s waiting room for a very, very long time.

The children of Israel are another prime example of being in God’s waiting room. When God led them out of Egypt he promised them a land “of milk and honey” in Canaan. It was a short journey from Egypt to Canaan, approximately 150 miles, and should not have taken them more than a month to get there had they taken the most direct route. But, God had other plans. His ways are not our ways. He had much to teach them along the way and, because they were slow learners, it took them forty years to get there!

However, the Jews that marched around Jericho for seven days…the Jews who blew the trumpet and shouted on the seventh day according to God’s command….the Jews who saw the walls of Jericho fall down FLAT…were not the same Jews who left Egypt. They were not the same Jews who complained to Moses that they had been brought out in the desert to die. They were not the same Jews who complained about the food, longing for their leeks and garlic from Egypt. No, these Jews had seen God move in ways they had never dreamed. They had seen facets of His character never known to them before. They had learned that, indeed, he truly WAS the great I AM.

That was God’s goal all along. It was not just to get them from point A to point B. It was to reveal to them His character. And when we are often in His waiting room that is still His plan today.

God’s character is multi-faceted just like a beautiful diamond. And every way you look at it reveals a different hue, a different dimension. He wants to reveal Himself to us so that we might enjoy the totality of WHO HE IS.

It is difficult being in His waiting room. We pray for some situation or someone we love, and then we wait….and wait…..and wait…..and wait. Sometimes we wait a short period. Sometimes it is for years. God does not keep us waiting to frustrate us or make us miserable. He waits to be gracious to us. I know…I know…it doesn’t feel very gracious when you are the one waiting, I agree. But Isaiah 30:18 reveals God’s purpose in waiting, “Therefore will the Lord wait, THAT He may be gracious unto you and therefore will HE be exalted that He may have mercy upon you……….blessed are all they who wait on Him.”

So, the next time you find yourself in God’s waiting room, know that He has you there to teach you more about Him and to glorify Him. After all, He knows the end from the beginning and He knows the plans He has for you, good plans, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Therefore, My Friend, “wait on the Lord; be of good courage; and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say on the Lord.” Psalm 27: 14

Pat Thomas

Meeting Needs

Within Paul’s section of Romans 12 that deals with relationships, he tells us, “Share with God’s people who are in need.”

This is certainly not to exclude people who do not worship Christ, but there is a priority that love is to observe, and that is to meet the needs of God’s people.  Paul says this another way in Galatians 6:10 when he says, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

Meeting someone’s needs in the Body of Christ communicates things:

(1) You are important and you are loved.  When we meet someone’s needs we are telling them that they matter to us.  We see their need and we care enough to do something about it.

(2) We are one in Christ.  It does not matter who you are, you belong to Christ and because we share the same love for the Savior, we share the same love for one another.

(3) Christ loves you.  He is the motivation for our willingness to meet each others’ needs.  Jesus was not hesitant to minister to the needs of those around him.  This communicated powerfully that God loved them.

People with the gifts of mercy or service seem to pick up more readily on the needs of other believers, but it is worth all of us paying attention to our brothers and sisters to see if we can meet needs that will tell them how much they are loved by us and by God.

Randall Johnson

The Romans Road to Right Relationships, Meeting Needs (part one)